i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just cropdusted the office
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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