Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
