we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
did i just pee glitter
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
A bitchslap is in order.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
