Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
