I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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