the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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