My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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