Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
