I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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