Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
