i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
