If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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