better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
