yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
