he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I have aggressive nipples.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
