the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
