I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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