when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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