I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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