My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
