maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
we should paint friendship bongs
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
