I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
