I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
