I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
