Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
