from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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