i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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