I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
