Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
