my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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