This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
