During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
All I want is dick and wine.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
