Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
