Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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