This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
