I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
