Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
