Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
