under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
