I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
