What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize