Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
