hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
