i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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