when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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