I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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