my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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