You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
