you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
