If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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