My boss' voice literally gives me gas
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
