I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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