and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
