why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
