i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
