he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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