The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
