Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize