Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
