i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
