I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize