another moral hangover. fuck.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
