i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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