I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She announced her abortion via fbk
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
