Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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