Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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