She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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